Currently all I want to do is lay in bed all day and eat.
The weather is atrocious outside and I have the mood to match. I don't really feel good right now and it probably has to do with a self-indulgent weekend. Friday was fine, I worked out and ate only a handful of sour patch kids and almonds at the movie, though I did get a Big Gulp (and by big I mean huge) of diet coke, but I didn't drink it all! Saturday wasnt all that fantastic. I woke up and had a fiber bar for breakfast on my way to Omaha where Lydia and I got chipotle for lunch where I got a burrito bowl (first time ever with out a tortilla!) which had veggies (grilled and completely sans nutrients im sure) cheese :( and sour cream :( and black beans :) so this could have been worse, but it could have been better. Now this is just embarassing but for dinner I was a work so I had scooters ( IM SORRY) and a protein bar (lemon zest- so good) but it gets worse, I know, I know, I suck...but then Lydia and I met up with this SUPER CUTE kid she works with, Zac, and we (they) decided we should go downtown because Lydia was on the chase of some OTHER kid named Zac who is currently ripping her heart to shreds. SO we went to BLUE and got sushi :-/ I did manage to just get a water to drink which was weird for me (diet coke goddess) and we ate some seriously delicious sushi while I stared longingly at an equally delicious boy....
so sunday, not ANY better :( I got panera for breakfast. while I was planning on getting a bagel I luckily talked myself out of it and got a parfait and a plain coffee. For lunch, again I was at work, I had scooters and a protein bar (AHHH I NEED TO PACK LUNCHES!) when I was off Lydia and I decided to get Panda express where I got a rice bowl with steamed veggies, however, very unfortunately I got a diet coke and crab rangoons. Sigh.
So today when Im feeling my absolute fattest (and im sure i gained all my weight back) I cant work out at the rec because i cant GET to the rec because its a damn ICY TUNDRA outside. I may end up working out at home...but probably not because i hate working out at home.
god help me, im slipping down into food hell.
MUUSTTT....STAAAYYY.....OONNNN.....COUUURSSEEE.....
JFC,
Mrs. Pattinson
Monday, January 31, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
-Insert a Driving Joke Here-
Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want
to see.
The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and
calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior
officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this
car and murdered the owner.
Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car,
please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The first officer is stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving
license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and
hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and
examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't
have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked
up the owner.
Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too."
Yeah, go ahead, make a joke about driving somewhere or doing something with a car.
We all know what happened and for those of you who dont, I obviously dont know you so ummm you probably dont care. Needless to say this completely shattered my little world and sent me adrift on a tidal wave of anger and bereavement.
The only thing that made this situation better (besides the fact that my parents were awesomely cool about the whole thing...not that they don't have the right to be utterly and entirely pissed, I'm glad they chose to let me just lie in the bed of shit that I made for myself and not make the situation unbearable by hating me) is the fact that I have lost 6 pounds!! Yeah so its not that much but the last time I weighed myself was at the doctors office before winter break. So it has been a while but if you think about all the crap I ate over break and the fact that I've only been TRYING to lose weight for four weeks, I'm not complaining!
this is going to be an insanely busy week for me so I probably wont post for a while unless something catastrophic happens. just know I'm kicking ass and taking names (or just working out and eating healthy).
J F C,
Mrs. Pattinson
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want
to see.
The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and
calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior
officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this
car and murdered the owner.
Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car,
please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The first officer is stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving
license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and
hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and
examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't
have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked
up the owner.
Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too."
Yeah, go ahead, make a joke about driving somewhere or doing something with a car.
We all know what happened and for those of you who dont, I obviously dont know you so ummm you probably dont care. Needless to say this completely shattered my little world and sent me adrift on a tidal wave of anger and bereavement.
The only thing that made this situation better (besides the fact that my parents were awesomely cool about the whole thing...not that they don't have the right to be utterly and entirely pissed, I'm glad they chose to let me just lie in the bed of shit that I made for myself and not make the situation unbearable by hating me) is the fact that I have lost 6 pounds!! Yeah so its not that much but the last time I weighed myself was at the doctors office before winter break. So it has been a while but if you think about all the crap I ate over break and the fact that I've only been TRYING to lose weight for four weeks, I'm not complaining!
this is going to be an insanely busy week for me so I probably wont post for a while unless something catastrophic happens. just know I'm kicking ass and taking names (or just working out and eating healthy).
J F C,
Mrs. Pattinson
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Shifting Cosmos and Other Strange Astronomical Events
So something weird is happening...I, Jaime, am not craving sweets...
it must be because I'm sick. but ill take it!
I don't really have much to report. I have been working out regularly. My goal is an hour at least 5 days a week and so far so good!
I watched this show "I used to be fat" on MTV and it was actually really motivational because it shows you the process of an obese person losing a ton of weight over a summer. I wish it would go into more of what the people are eating but I guess that's for me to figure out on my lonesome.
SOO like I said above, I have a cold, and feel like complete donkey shit, but I shall persevere! Unfortunately, emotionally I feel like complete monkey shit and that is always a little harder to persevere through (am i saying monkey shit is harder to persevere through than donkey shit, or that physical sickness easier than mental sickness...that's what happens with misplaced modifiers, but I'll let the audience have the choice of which to believe I'm referring to...). This is usually the point where I give up on working out because it doesn't seem to be helping anyway and I have a binge fest in front of the TV, but some stars collided or the cosmos shifted or something( and no I'm not referring to our zodiac signs shifting, though I must say I am so much more a Taurus than an Aries...that being said,at least Aries isn't some hideous car an ex- boyfriend drove..but,again, I digress..) and I actually feel more motivated to work out. I really don't know what the difference was this time, but I hope my body shows the difference I feel.
now if only these three semesters of school would finish themselves and a diploma be mailed to me in Washington, I would be one happy little camper (literally in the mountains of Washington)
one last thing! Stewie and I went for a walk today for the first time since its snowed because it was sunny and not completely tundra-fied outside. He wore his dog booties so that the ice and salts wouldn't hurt his super sensitive paw pads... I am going to make a terrible mother. any little thing that goes wrong with Stewie and I overreact. probably the equivalent to a first time mom who rushes her kid in to the ER when he gets a paper cut.... so I'm a worry wart....thus is my cross to bare. at least its not my body because that shits heavy ( oh wait...i do...)
J F C,
Mrs. Pattinson
it must be because I'm sick. but ill take it!
I don't really have much to report. I have been working out regularly. My goal is an hour at least 5 days a week and so far so good!
I watched this show "I used to be fat" on MTV and it was actually really motivational because it shows you the process of an obese person losing a ton of weight over a summer. I wish it would go into more of what the people are eating but I guess that's for me to figure out on my lonesome.
SOO like I said above, I have a cold, and feel like complete donkey shit, but I shall persevere! Unfortunately, emotionally I feel like complete monkey shit and that is always a little harder to persevere through (am i saying monkey shit is harder to persevere through than donkey shit, or that physical sickness easier than mental sickness...that's what happens with misplaced modifiers, but I'll let the audience have the choice of which to believe I'm referring to...). This is usually the point where I give up on working out because it doesn't seem to be helping anyway and I have a binge fest in front of the TV, but some stars collided or the cosmos shifted or something( and no I'm not referring to our zodiac signs shifting, though I must say I am so much more a Taurus than an Aries...that being said,at least Aries isn't some hideous car an ex- boyfriend drove..but,again, I digress..) and I actually feel more motivated to work out. I really don't know what the difference was this time, but I hope my body shows the difference I feel.
now if only these three semesters of school would finish themselves and a diploma be mailed to me in Washington, I would be one happy little camper (literally in the mountains of Washington)
one last thing! Stewie and I went for a walk today for the first time since its snowed because it was sunny and not completely tundra-fied outside. He wore his dog booties so that the ice and salts wouldn't hurt his super sensitive paw pads... I am going to make a terrible mother. any little thing that goes wrong with Stewie and I overreact. probably the equivalent to a first time mom who rushes her kid in to the ER when he gets a paper cut.... so I'm a worry wart....thus is my cross to bare. at least its not my body because that shits heavy ( oh wait...i do...)
J F C,
Mrs. Pattinson
Saturday, January 15, 2011
and by "big" I mean "HUGE"..
I have a pretty big issue...that issue being my boobs. I have huge boobs. and this is not me bragging...
I am lucky that I have a "free" membership to my schools rec center (not so free once you calculate the millions ive given them to attend their classes). So why do I want to join Golds gym and spend extra money? Because the school rec center is like a watering hole in the African Sahara. The "animals" go there and show off to one another, they show that they are prime candidates for copulation (Darwinism 101). So seeing as I am NOT a prime candidate for copulation I dont like the relentless judging and staring and excessive grunting when lifting (to show off the insane amount of strength).
So back to my big (HUGE) issue...i dont like the fact that despite how many sports bras i wear or how much duct tape i wrap around myself (is she joking??) they are STILL everpresent and STILL bounce while on the eliptical....even more, i dont like that guys unbashfuly STARE at them. not ME...THEM. i mean every once in a while you get the guy who peaks from the corners of his eyes (sooo not obvious broskey) but usually they arent ashamed because this is a place for judgement and judging is what they are good at.
Being the fattest one at the gym is an issue with me...if i felt more comfortable in work out clothes i would go more often...BUT THATS THE CONUNDRUM...i have to work out to look good in workout clothes..
that being said i have managed to workout the last three days.
oh and the diet thing hasnt been going well because SOMEONE had to have a BIRTHDAY (coughjoslyncough) so we went to olive garden. i gained 5 pounds just THINKING about going there. and THEN last night i had a few new friends that wanted to go get pizza...and i mean, c'mon, who am I to turn down FRIENDS...you know, the beggers cant be choosers type of thing.
but during the days im doing great and ive only had fast food ONCE since getting back from napa (and that was pretty shortly after i got back). i mean thats like 3 weeks...and for a girl who used to eat burger king 3 TIMES a week( i was THE burger queen)....thats progress my friend.
but now comes the hard part...going to omaha for the weekend to work. where lydia doesnt keep any food in her apt and so i usually end up getting bk for breakfast or lunch.
J F C,
Mrs. Pattinson
I am lucky that I have a "free" membership to my schools rec center (not so free once you calculate the millions ive given them to attend their classes). So why do I want to join Golds gym and spend extra money? Because the school rec center is like a watering hole in the African Sahara. The "animals" go there and show off to one another, they show that they are prime candidates for copulation (Darwinism 101). So seeing as I am NOT a prime candidate for copulation I dont like the relentless judging and staring and excessive grunting when lifting (to show off the insane amount of strength).
So back to my big (HUGE) issue...i dont like the fact that despite how many sports bras i wear or how much duct tape i wrap around myself (is she joking??) they are STILL everpresent and STILL bounce while on the eliptical....even more, i dont like that guys unbashfuly STARE at them. not ME...THEM. i mean every once in a while you get the guy who peaks from the corners of his eyes (sooo not obvious broskey) but usually they arent ashamed because this is a place for judgement and judging is what they are good at.
Being the fattest one at the gym is an issue with me...if i felt more comfortable in work out clothes i would go more often...BUT THATS THE CONUNDRUM...i have to work out to look good in workout clothes..
that being said i have managed to workout the last three days.
oh and the diet thing hasnt been going well because SOMEONE had to have a BIRTHDAY (coughjoslyncough) so we went to olive garden. i gained 5 pounds just THINKING about going there. and THEN last night i had a few new friends that wanted to go get pizza...and i mean, c'mon, who am I to turn down FRIENDS...you know, the beggers cant be choosers type of thing.
but during the days im doing great and ive only had fast food ONCE since getting back from napa (and that was pretty shortly after i got back). i mean thats like 3 weeks...and for a girl who used to eat burger king 3 TIMES a week( i was THE burger queen)....thats progress my friend.
but now comes the hard part...going to omaha for the weekend to work. where lydia doesnt keep any food in her apt and so i usually end up getting bk for breakfast or lunch.
J F C,
Mrs. Pattinson
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
The GAIN in Bargain
ALAS,
a totally unprecedented concept...it cost (alot) of money to lose weight.
Work out clothes: $30
Healthy food/reinvention of pantry: $80
cost of losing weight: priceless?
Today I went grocery shopping after a bit of research for foods that are healthy and I may ACTUALLY enjoy, as opposed to the cardboard food diet...I may have been successful if you consider an empty pocketbook and stocked pantry an accomplishment. So for my snacks I have no-fat plain yogurt in which I plan to add fruit and/or granola to, honey roasted almonds, cereals, 100 calorie packs and other yummy fruits and such.
For dinner I'm going to cook up some tofu stir fry! yum! I also love asparagus and broccoli so I will make those a regular friend at my house.
Also, if you MUST know I did have a minor lapse in judgement but it could have been worse. I ate subway for dinner. Tuna with lettuce and onion...sooo good! I can proudly say I SKIPPED the chips ( that's probably the first)! I did have Diet Coke ( CANCER I know....but I simply CAN NOT live without) though it was only a little bit (none of that 60 cent 32 oz gas station crap going on). Anyway tuna has protein and I did add some veggies and skipped on extra mayo.
SO today was...a mediocre day but I'm going to tell myself that it could have been worse and tomorrow will be better!
back to school tomorrow...three more semesters...just ...keep...going....
J F C,
Mrs. Pattinson
a totally unprecedented concept...it cost (alot) of money to lose weight.
Work out clothes: $30
Healthy food/reinvention of pantry: $80
cost of losing weight: priceless?
Today I went grocery shopping after a bit of research for foods that are healthy and I may ACTUALLY enjoy, as opposed to the cardboard food diet...I may have been successful if you consider an empty pocketbook and stocked pantry an accomplishment. So for my snacks I have no-fat plain yogurt in which I plan to add fruit and/or granola to, honey roasted almonds, cereals, 100 calorie packs and other yummy fruits and such.
For dinner I'm going to cook up some tofu stir fry! yum! I also love asparagus and broccoli so I will make those a regular friend at my house.
Also, if you MUST know I did have a minor lapse in judgement but it could have been worse. I ate subway for dinner. Tuna with lettuce and onion...sooo good! I can proudly say I SKIPPED the chips ( that's probably the first)! I did have Diet Coke ( CANCER I know....but I simply CAN NOT live without) though it was only a little bit (none of that 60 cent 32 oz gas station crap going on). Anyway tuna has protein and I did add some veggies and skipped on extra mayo.
SO today was...a mediocre day but I'm going to tell myself that it could have been worse and tomorrow will be better!
back to school tomorrow...three more semesters...just ...keep...going....
J F C,
Mrs. Pattinson
Monday, January 10, 2011
(Not so) Happy New Year
Am I the only one that hates new years?
I mean, it's full of do-gooders, well wishers and a bunch of fat asses telling themselves excess calories are just not in the yearly planner.
its the one time of year everyone can lie to themselves...
And normally, I do. I always think to myself "SWIMSUIT SEASON" every time I open my mouth to feed it again. Every calorie I put into my body haunts me, but somehow I let myself get to this point.
Well I say NO MORE!
NO MORE haters, people who don't turn right on red, people who insist on going 5 miles per hour under the speed limit..but i digress....
NO MORE junk food. Okay, well that's not necessarily true...just in much smaller, more controlled, portions. Otherwise this may turn in to one nasty binge...
but anywayyy,
I'm a chunk.
and it needs to stop. So in order to motivate myself I have created this blog..this travesty against privacy..where I am going to willingly or not so willingly tell you all (all 3 of you) about my slip ups, my slip downs, my triumphs, my tribulations and the ultimate victory (fingers crossed, knock on wood).
so for someone who hates cooking, physical activity, the outdoors, and healthy food in general....
this is going to be a bumpy ride...and currently my waist is too thick for a seat belt...
J F C,
Mrs. Pattinson
I mean, it's full of do-gooders, well wishers and a bunch of fat asses telling themselves excess calories are just not in the yearly planner.
its the one time of year everyone can lie to themselves...
And normally, I do. I always think to myself "SWIMSUIT SEASON" every time I open my mouth to feed it again. Every calorie I put into my body haunts me, but somehow I let myself get to this point.
Well I say NO MORE!
NO MORE haters, people who don't turn right on red, people who insist on going 5 miles per hour under the speed limit..but i digress....
NO MORE junk food. Okay, well that's not necessarily true...just in much smaller, more controlled, portions. Otherwise this may turn in to one nasty binge...
but anywayyy,
I'm a chunk.
and it needs to stop. So in order to motivate myself I have created this blog..this travesty against privacy..where I am going to willingly or not so willingly tell you all (all 3 of you) about my slip ups, my slip downs, my triumphs, my tribulations and the ultimate victory (fingers crossed, knock on wood).
so for someone who hates cooking, physical activity, the outdoors, and healthy food in general....
this is going to be a bumpy ride...and currently my waist is too thick for a seat belt...
J F C,
Mrs. Pattinson
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