I must say I am not surprised with my lack of updating. I do this with all journals of any kind. I do not like taking the time to write what im feeling or going through. This could be a product of my inability to pinpoint exactly what im feeling or going through...as it changes about every three seconds.
I have decided that if I were to ever write a book it would be "The Ultimate Guide for the Chronically Confused". I am CONSTANTLY confused. Confused by people's actions, reactions, statements, sentiments....lack of sentiment, cognitive capabilities and lack thereof... and for all that I am confused about in other people I'm doubly confused about in myself. I have learned so much about myself lately and its not necessarily things I wanted to know. I'm finding that people think i have "strong" personality. What does that even mean? can it bench 350? My whole life I've tried to be the ultimate people pleaser and somewhere in there I became this little monster of hatred. I need a filter for my face so I can take my foot out of my mouth at some point. I guess what it comes down to is I expect too much from people. I expect them to see the significance of animals and their plight, I expect them to be nice, I expect a friend to call and invite me places, or talk to me when I'm feeling sad or share in my excitement. I expect people to be courteous and kind and grateful when I've helped them out. The thing I'm SLOWLY learning is that "friends" wont always invite you and when they do it will be 30 minutes after the gathering has already started. I expect this because I try my very hardest to do these things for others.
So what would my book contain? I dont know yet...but maybe at the end of my life I can write the book and help those that are struggling with the overall state of things.
